I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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