I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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