In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
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my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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