i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize