I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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