I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
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Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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