they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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