i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize