there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize