Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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