Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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