oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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