I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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