I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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