took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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