So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
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She bit a glass in half.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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