How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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