billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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