No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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