you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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