I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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