i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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