if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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