Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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