I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize