Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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