its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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