i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
two words: eviction party
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize