i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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