Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize