I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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