he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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