Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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