Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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