things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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