Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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