when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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