you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize