and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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