I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize