Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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