I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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my being single is dangerous.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
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Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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