so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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