So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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