omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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