Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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