God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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