he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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