Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Randomize