Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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